Lol! Rest assured, you aren't alone!
Some people have success with straps and chains and the like (for removing the filter, you pervs). Its nearly always the first oil change you do on an SR20DET which causes problems, usually after some monkey fitted the last filter as tight as they could possibly get it
First HUGELY IMPORTANT tip is NOT to drain the oil first. If you can't get the filter off, you are going to have to fill it back up again with fresh and drain it again later. Next tip is to make sure the oil is warm/hot before attempting to untighten. You don't have to take the filter off while its hot - just untighten it. Next, try a marigold or latex glove on your hand, for extra grip. Don't be afraid to take the boost sensor (attached to the suspension strut) off. It will give you more room.
If you can't get the filter off, you could try one of these:
If all else fails, a screwdriver through the filter will work. Remember though, there's no going back once you've punctured the filter.
Final tip: do what it says on the filter instructions. Tighten 3/4 on a turn after the filter first makes contact with the block. Follow that rule and you'll never have a problem removing it in future.
However you finally manage it, you'll still get oil everywhere once you've taken the filter off. Its a joy of SR20DET oil changes... I got one of these two overcome both problems
As an alternative, get the K&N filter shown. It has a socket nut on it!